What Shall I Leave My Children?

The open sky, the brown earth, the leafy tree,

The golden sand, the blue water, the stars in courses
and the awareness of this.

Birdsong, butterflies, clouds and rainbows,
Sunlight, moonlight, firelight.

A hand reaching down for a small hand,
Impromptu praise, an unexpected kiss, a straight answer.

The glow of enthusiasm, and a sense of wonder,
Long days to be merry in and nights without fear.

The memory of a good home.

Anonymous

How Do You Talk About Your Child's Adoption Story?

Recently I was talking with a friend who is also an adoptive mom. She was telling me how open her entire family had always been about the topic of adoption, and how she frequently shared with others about the joy she felt when she received her girls, how they reacted, and how the days that followed their initial meeting went.

She told me, however, that recently as she discussed her older child’s adoption, she saw for the first time real hurt in her eyes. She said she stopped to briefly talk to her about what she didn’t like and then had a longer talk with her after the friend left. She was surprised to learn that there were parts of her daughter’s story that really bothered her, namely her reaction upon meeting her family and all of the grieving she did in the days that followed. My friend said that seeing her daughter’s pain made her feel horrible, as she had no idea that there were parts which hurt her so much.

How have you dealt with what is acceptable to talk about and what isn’t with your family’s adoption story? Of course sharing an adoption story can encourage others to adopt, but can talking openly about your family’s story sometimes be at your child’s expense? How do you best find out which parts of your child’s story bother them and what they are comfortable speaking about in front of another person? My friend said she never wanted to hurt her daughter like this again, and she wondered if a parent should just stop talking about their child’s adoption story altogether?

Karen Maunu

Do You Wonder?

I came across this blog and I loved it. It was by one of my most favorite social media blog writers, Chris Brogan, and it is called The Value of Wonder here.

Raising children, being able to step back and see the world through their eyes is such a gift. So often, the ordinary is extraordinary to them. How often do you just go through the motions during the day, but fail to see all of the gifts we are given?

There is nothing like a trip to China to put our world into perspective for me. For the children we visit, the joy they have when we play is something that touches me so deeply. They have so little, but the spirit within them is truly amazing. The wonder they have for life and something new just resonates from their faces….to them all is a sense of wonder.

What a wonderful way to view each and every day!

Today, find something remarkable, something you can wonder about, that makes today a gift. What is it?

Karen Maunu

Labels

What is a label? One of Webster’s definitions is a descriptive or identifying word or phrase.

Labels are great for identifying things. We can say that an apple is red or grapes are green…but what do labels do when we use them on people?

A dear Twitter friend, Kathy Ireland (@kathyireland), tweeted about labels on Saturday after a discussion on what it means to be a Christian. She wrote that people like to use labels because they divide and dismiss…that we are one race and that is human. Labels can be used to dehumanize people and that all horrible dictators of the world did just that. It is easier to demean someone when you can label them.

I believe that she is right in many ways, especially in discussing race and religion. I have thought about this a lot after her discussion. In adoption and parenting, I see labels used a lot. I will hear…is that your “adopted” child? He is so smart, she is so musically talented, she is so impulsive, he is so tall, she is so dark, he is so kind, her feet are so small…just to name a few.

Why do we feel the need to use labels? I hear parents, myself included, doing this. How are these labels good and bad for our children to hear? Do we put someone into a box or separate children when we do this or are can it be positive for their self-esteem? Does hearing these labels set limitations on who our children can be and what they might be able to do…like a self-fulfilling prophesy? How do you use labels? Should they just be for objects and not for humans? Tell us your thoughts.

Karen Maunu

How Do Your Kids Play?

A friend shared a blog this morning about the importance of unstructured play by the Grass Stain Guru through this link. At first, the blog caught my eye, because the picture at the top reminded me of my visits to China. With that thought in the back of my mind, I read the blog and reflected on the difference between the way we are raising our children and the way the children in our rural foster care homes are being raised.

My children have toys, video games, and activities to fill their days….the children in our rural Chinese foster homes have very little toys bought at a store. I have often thought about how creative these children are in these homes, because even though they don’t have a lot of material things, they are always playing and laughing when I have visited. They are happy and I am in awe of their inventiveness. So many things become their play.

The author of this blog writes that “Unstructured play teaches creativity, independence, problem solving, communication skills, risk assessment, negotiation skills, a host of social concepts, and adaptability. The list goes on and on.”

So this has me thinking….are we doing our children a disservice with all we do for them? How do we change the way we are raising our children and slow down, so that there is more time for creative play? In the end, will the children who have so many “things”, so many activities, and so much structure, be ultimately less creative than a child that has had to invent more of their play?