Raising Children in a Transracial Family

Becoming a transracial family, I have always wondered and worried about my daughters’ self-esteem. My daughter Anna often brings up how she wishes she had blond, curly hair. I usually tell her how much I wish I had long, beautiful silky hair like she has and her beautiful tawny brown skin (versus my pale freckly version). She is truly a beautiful girl and I just want her to know that. Often her comments shock me, because I just see her as my daughter and don’t notice the differences.

This week, I read a wonderful article on racism that really hit home. http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-blueeyes26-2009mar26,0,3179239,full.story . The article was written by a journalist, who was adopted from Korea and raised in Iowa. What was most interesting was this journalist's meeting with a blue-eyed teacher also from Iowa, who in the 1960s did a racism experiment with her class that captured the nation's attention – Blue Eyes/Brown Eyes. More than anything, it gave another view of how my girls must see the world and how the world sees them. I don’t fully understand, but I want to…I love these two children more than anything, but there will be a piece that being Caucasian, that I won’t.

There have been times that I do worry about how our girls view themselves in our middle class neighborhood in suburban MN. Have they experienced racism? How should I best prepare them for when they do? They have had kids make the occasional nasty remarks, but are these typical playground remarks? When do you need to worry about them being more than that? What are you doing to be proactive in preparing your children for the fact that our world may still judge them by the color of their skin? And finally, do you think it is “easier” for a child to live in a large city as a transracial adoptee than a child in a small town?

Karen Maunu

Associate Executive Director