"Find My Family"

I was recently watching TV with my girls, and a preview for “Find My Family” came on. This new show premiers tonight on ABC. They sat mesmerized as birthparents and adoptees were reunited. So many thoughts came into my head, but the first was so sad that a day like that would never be able to happen for them if they wanted it and then I felt sad for the people who had been filmed. To me, this event should be private and not be made into reality TV. I looked at my girls, wondering what they were thinking. When it was over, I asked them how the show made them feel, and they both answered “Good!”

With the enthusiasm that I heard from my girls, I now wonder if this is a show they should watch – my girls are 9 and 11. I wondered if this kind of a show would promote good birthparent discussions or if this show would cause them more pain. Martha Osborne from “Rainbow Kids” had a great commentary on her website about this show.

Her first point was based on the show’s tagline. “With the tagline Some people have spent their whole lives searching for the one thing that matters most... Their wish will now come true. Let's find your family, producers completely discount any worth of the adoptive families who have loved and raised these children. Instead the show emphasizes the loss of a child's ‘real family' as the one-and-only central issue of all adopted children's lives.”

She goes further to say that, “Unfortunately, the general public's opinion and understanding of adoption is largely shaped by the media. ABC's exploitive new series will focus on the most extreme issues in adoption, and is sure to have an effect on how our children's teachers, extended family, and friends view and accept adoption.”

In her article, she writes that younger children should not watch this show because it focuses on adult emotions, but that parents should empower their children by using the Wise Up! Workbook . For upper elementary school and middle school, she advises some discussions with children around birthparents and identity, media and marketing of ideas, their feelings around these issues, and how others may start asking them intrusive questions because of this show and how to handle them.

Have you see the previews for this show? What are your thoughts about letting your kids watch it? What will you do to prepare your kids? If your children are older, even if they don’t watch this show, are you going to be proactive in preparing them in how to deal with possible questions as this show becomes publicly known?

Karen Maunu